Third Grade Biden

President Biden addressed the ongoing crisis in Afghanistan last Monday. To understand Biden's position, it's important to understand where he came from. Scott's Edition was able to obtain a transcript of a speech that Biden gave to his parents back in 1950 when he was just eight years old. Note the similarity in themes between this speech and the one he gave last week.

Good afternoon, Mom and Dad. I want to speak today to the unfolding situation in Ms. Gelzer's math class, the test that took place last week, and the steps I am taking to address the rapidly evolving events. Let me first remind you how we got here.



I took the multiplication table test on Wednesday with clear goals: finish the test before recess and without taking a potty break. I did that. I finished the test on time, then went to the bathroom, and I was the first person on the swing set at recess.



My mission in Ms. Gelzer's class was never supposed to be to get an A on the test. It was never supposed to be about truly knowing or understanding what 5 times 9 equals. My only vital interest in Ms. Gelzer's class remains today what it has always been: being the first person on the swing set.



Today, the threat of pop quizzes has metastasized well beyond Ms. Gelzer's class. Converting quarts to gallons in Mr. Anderson's class, climbing the rope in Mrs. Reno's class, and, of course, delivering an Amelia Bedelia book report in Ms. Clemen's class. These tests warrant my attention and my resources.



I stand squarely behind my decision to take the test quickly. After 20 minutes of studying, I learned the hard way that I was never going to understand simple multiplication. I was clear-eyed about the risks. I planned for every contingency. But I always promised you, my parents, that I would be straight with you. The truth is, the grade I received is worse than what I had anticipated. 



Sure, there are some very easy equations I can do today. 5 times 2, 3 times 3, and 10 times... well, anything really. But, if I was unable to remember 8 times 6 on Tuesday evening, there is no chance that one month, five more months, or one more year of studying would have made any difference. 



Here's what I believe to my core: It is wrong to order third grade students to take a test when there is an empty swing set just waiting on the playground. I know my decision will be criticized. I would rather take all that criticism than pass that swing set on to another student.



Thank you. May God protect our monkey bars, our slides, and all of the swings hanging idly by.

Where's Aldo?

While I was on vacation, I met Aldo, the cutest dog in the world. So, instead of doing "Where's Waldo," we're going to instead use Aldo. You know, because Waldo and Aldo sound pretty similar. I think that's enough of an explanation, but if it's not, just shoot me an email asking for more clarity on how I got from "Waldo" to "Aldo", and I'll do my best to simplify it for you. 

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