Scott's Edition 48: Prepare to Scare

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October 17, 2021

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The Name Behind the News

October 17, 2021

Edition 48: Prepare to Scare

Boo! It's October 17th which means spooky season is in full swing. You can't go anywhere without seeing giant skeletons, fake spiderwebs, and Mitch McConnell's face. In today's Edition, we'll give some advice to ensure you approach Halloween the right way this year. With that, let's dive into this week's news!

Weekly Stats

# of U.S. COVID cases (7-day average)

84,555, ↓ 12.5% since last week

% of U.S. population fully vaccinated

56.7%, ↑ 0.5% since last week

# of FDA recommended booster shots

2, ↑ 1 since last week

# of touchdowns Lehigh has scored this season

0... in their 6 games this season they've scored a combined total of 9 points. The technical term for that is, "Bad."

Days until Halloween

14, ↓ 7 since last week

As Richmond's self-proclaimed arbiter of the written word, I'm always looking for a way to make the English language more elegant. I've consulted with Hollywood writer Jordan Dumbroff to fill the void. Each week, we'll add a new, much needed word to the English language!

Duplidate

/doo-pli-deyt/

noun

A date on which the month's number is equal to the day's number
A date such as January 1st or February 2nd in which the month and day have the same number

Ex: "Paul, I got worried when you told me you're a Scorpio, but then I found out we both have birthdays on duplidates. So.... yes! I will marry you!"

Week in Review

Space Age: William Shatner has gone where no old man has gone before. In a "life imitates art" moment, the actor who played Star Trek's Captain Kirk became the oldest space traveler this week. Your move, Daniel Radcliffe.

Salt Assault: This week, the FDA recommended that restaurants reduce the amount of sodium they use in their food. Olive Garden is claiming that they don't need to follow the new restrictions because they "don't technically meet the minimum qualifications to be classified as a 'restaurant.'"

LinkedOut: Microsoft announced it will end its LinkedIn operations in China. In its place, the company will simply hire all Chinese mothers to incessantly ask their children, "Are you a doctor yet?"

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The Dos and Don'ts of Halloween

COVID, cancel-culture, and cold weather all make Halloween a complicated holiday. Scott's Edition is here to help with some Dos and Don'ts for the upcoming day of fright.

Do: Buy your costume early. With supply chain issues and rising prices, get your outfit before it's too late!

Don't: Choose an "overdone" costume. Oh, you're going as Harley Quinn? What an original idea that you clearly picked because you love superhero movies.

Do: Wear a mask. It's Halloween, so you can use your costume to help your community stay safe and healthy.

Don't: Throw candy at kids when they trick-or-treat at your house. They won't like that.

Do: Buy a pumpkin carving kit. They're inexpensive and make it way easier!

Don't: Try to eat an entire bag of candy corn in one sitting because, "it's a vegetable so it must be good for me, Dad!"

Do: Ensure you have a safe ride home if you decide to go out to a party.

Don't: Sneak into your neighbor's house to see if they have nicer stuff than you. You'll be too full from eating all that candy corn!

Guess The Character!

Can you guess the cartoon character shown in the silhouette below?

Answer below

Comics Described

Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader.

Andy Capp by Reg Smythe for October 15, 2021

Today's cartoon is only two panels.

In the first panel, we find Andy Capp sitting on a box at the bank of a river. His backpack sits next him. Andy wields a fishing pole, line dropped into the water. His friend, The Vicar, watches intently from behind him.

The Vicar states, "That seems a particularly good river for fish, Mr. Capp."

Andy replies, "Why do you say that, Vicar?"

In the second panel, Andy pulls his line up empty. He looks frustrated. The Vicar responds as he starts to walk away, "None of them seem to want to leave it!"

Oh boy! The Vicar really got him! Why are you so bad at fishing, Andy?!?!?

Guess The Character Answer

It's golf legend Tiger Woods!

Thanks for reading!

I'm taking the next two weeks off. See you in November!

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